Finding Joy While Holding Anger: A Personal Reflection

Hi Friend,

I want to share some thoughts that have been on my mind lately. It’s so hard to keep it all together with the chaos, trauma, and overwhelm we’re facing today. We know how unhealthy it can be to consume so much from social media, but we still do it. Instead of feeling joy, we often find ourselves weighed down by anger and dysregulated nervous systems.

So here’s a gentle reminder, for myself and anyone else who wants to focus on more joy in their life.

---

A few days ago, I came across a video on IG of a woman talking about joy. I’m so mad I didn’t save it or hit the follow button.

She was sharing what we all know but sometimes forget, at least I do, that we can take 15 minutes a day to be angry about everything going on in the world. Use that time to catch up on the news, call or email your senators and representatives, maybe share a few things based on factual information, and then spend the rest of the day focusing on joy.

I have to remind myself that there are so many issues I care deeply about, but I cannot take on all the suffering and pain of this world.

Lately, my mind has felt more scattered than usual, and yes, I’m going through menopause, so brain fog is part of the reason. But my nervous system is also dysregulated.

The way my body learned to protect itself when I was a child during the stress, fighting, and chaos of my home is the same way it is reacting now as an adult because my inner child feels scared. Not only do I disconnect from my body, but I go into fight, flight, and fawning.

I find myself trying to take care of everything and everyone to protect myself from feeling pain, rejection, fear, or abandonment and then I go into “I’m going to f*** everyone and fight” mode, followed by hiding in my room away from everyone.

And so I try to control things which we actually have zero control over by trying to fix them or worry about them, and worry does absolutely nothing.

I have to remind myself of this daily, which only pulls me away from the present moment. We know we can only fix or change ourselves, and hopefully, our lives make a positive impact on our families and communities.

So I have to remind those younger parts of myself that I’m no longer a child. I’m an adult now. And even though our country is abusing people, families, and communities and even though I feel and see the narcissism in this current administration and in the MAGA movement that feels so similar to the church I was part of for many years and what I saw and experienced as a child, I am not that child anymore.

I have agency. I have a voice. I can make a difference with joy, love, kindness, and by staying connected to myself and in my body.

That means I need a healthy balance in how much my mind and body take in from social media. Our bodies cannot live in rage all day long. It’s not healthy.

And if we stay in that state, we are no good to the work of making this world a better place. We are allowed to be angry.

But I also know I’m someone who doesn’t have much influence, maybe three people read my blog, and if I’m living in a state of rage and emotional dysregulation, I’m hurting myself, which hurts the people I love. What this world needs right now more than ever is love, kindness, and joy.

So many are suffering. And this doesn’t mean I’m looking away or ignoring what’s happening because that would be irresponsible.

Love expects us to care.

Love expects us to listen.

Love expects us to fight for people on the margins.

Love expects us to take care of ourselves too.

Love expects us to take care of our neighbors, the poor, the immigrants, the oppressed, and yes, to love our enemies though it doesn’t say we have to like them.

Love expects us to use our privilege for good and to help others, not just ourselves.

So make sure you are checking in with yourself. Maybe 15 minutes a day to be angry and the rest of the day focusing on joy.

---

Thank you for reading and holding space with me. If this resonates, feel free to reply and share your own thoughts or struggles. And if you’re looking for a therapist, trusted guide, or someone to speak at your next event, please email me at Kim@kimwattspeaks.com.