How Healthy Friendships and Self-Love Can Transform Your Midlife Journey

Hi Friend,

If you’re going through perimenopause or menopause, you know it’s no joke. The changes in our bodies, moods, and relationships can really mess with us. You’re not crazy. Even though it feels like your body is going to shit and you can’t remember why you just walked into a room or even your own name on most days, you’re not alone.

Honestly, if you keep walking through this season and allow yourself to fully experience not only the hot flashes but also that anger that makes you want to burn everything down, you are on your way to creating and birthing you, the wild, free, unapologetically you, you’ve been longing and searching for.

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This journey through midlife, perimenopause, and menopause is both brutal and beautiful. As one of my favorite writers, podcast hosts, and activists, Glennon Doyle, says, it’s brutiful. That’s the truth. It’s both brutal and beautiful at the same time.

For many of us, it’s the first time we’re truly learning what loving ourselves actually means. Being comfortable with who we are, giving zero fucks, healing from people pleasing, and turning our attention toward what’s meaningful and what makes us come alive. And when that happens, we’re given the gift of finding people with whom we can be unapologetically ourselves.

Of course, you apologize if you’re being an asshole, but you still get to bring your whole emotional, beautiful, kind, loving, sometimes rageful and angry self to the table.

And you don’t need a ton of people to love and see you. Just a few.

As much as I love my husband and kids, they can’t fill me and it’s not their job to. It’s my job to show up for myself, give myself what I need. And in return, they get a healthier mom and wife who has her own life, which frees them to do the same, yet stay connected to each other. I want my husband and kids to be unapologetically themselves too!

The healthier I am, the healthier my family is. My husband is grateful I have friends even though he’s my best friend that’s just too much for one person to take on, especially during perimenopause and menopause. Because sometimes, for no reason, he can irritate me and I want to punch him in the face! LOL

Because relationships are messy and hard, and people, no matter what, will disappoint you. But when you can show up for yourself, there’s grace and acceptance to understand others and to remember that everyone has their own stuff going on in their life and deeper inner wounds they are carrying. And it’s nobody’s job to complete you, not even your partner. My job is to complete and heal me so that I can focus on loving people not from ego, but from a more whole place, seeing from another perspective. To love in order to understand, not to prove myself right. To listen to my intuition and know if this is right for me.

And if you’re married with kids, you still need friends. Having a few trusted girlfriends has saved me. And a therapist,  who I consider a friend too.

It’s about having a few friends with no judgment, no performance, no trying to fix, just you. Knowing your authentic self is a gift. It’s not for everyone, so be wise, have boundaries, and when you find these few people, celebrate them. Celebrate yourself for allowing them in.

Here is what I know: during midlife, healthy friendships will save us and carry us through. They allow us to be messy, but they don’t let us stay there. They know when to listen and when to lovingly say, “Get your shit together.”

And if you’re having a hard time connecting with others, it’s okay. There’s healing in that too. With the right support, love, and encouragement, you’ll learn how to be vulnerable again and take the risk to love and open up.

Relationships are risky. Life is risky. But in order to live a full life, we need them. So take the risk, start loving yourself and let others love you back.

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If you are looking for a licensed therapist, coach, or guide to support you on your midlife journey, or a speaker for your next event, please email me at kim@kimwatttherapy.com.