When Music Brings Us Together: A Father and Son’s Story

Mark and Markus have been going to concerts together since Markus was just 10 years old! This is their second time at Lollapalooza in the past three years. I honestly don’t know how Mark manages to hang all weekend at these music festivals. They’re there all day and night!

The first night, Mark spotted Flavor Flav and shouted his name. According to him, all the young kids around gave him a look like, “Who is this old guy even talking about?” He said everyone nearby—pretty much kids, even the ones in their 30s (because let’s be honest, they’re still kids to us)—had no idea who Flavor Flav was. They were completely unbothered that he was standing right next to them! OMG, I feel so old just typing this.

And you know we’re getting older when I’m calling to check if Mark is wearing his comfy tennis shoes. Because at our age, comfort is way more important than style!

But here’s why seeing these two living it up at concerts makes my heart so full. Mark had to do a lot of his own inner healing as a young dad. All those times when life felt so hard—the struggles, the doubts, the tears, the moments you want to give up but keep going—these are the moments that remind you it was, and still is, all worth it.

Mark was an athlete growing up, and not just an average one. He earned a scholarship to pitch at Michigan State University. Sports were a huge part of his identity.

Our son wasn’t an athlete. For the longest time, he struggled with fine motor skills. He fell in love with music and playing the guitar. And instead of Mark saying he didn’t have anything in common with his son or pressuring him to be like him (trust me, there were plenty of people who tried, but we didn’t let them box Markus into being “just like his dad,” a ball player), Mark stepped into Markus’s world. Mark didn’t know anything about music—except he can play a mean air guitar!

Because of those early years, they now have this beautiful adult father-son relationship. They have so much fun making memories at concerts. And Markus keeps both Mark and me cool by introducing us to new artists and songs, even though I can never remember who sings what!

And because Mark stepped into Markus’s world, now Markus has stepped into his dad’s. He’s learned about football and started watching the Detroit Lions, cheering them on right alongside his dad. They look forward to Monday Night Football—and basically every other night football is on. I swear it’s on every single night during football season.

Moments like these weren’t easy to come by. Mark had to do deep inner work as a young dad to get here.

I know it wasn’t easy for him. Toxic masculinity puts so much pressure on men. I remember when Markus was really little, Mark was outside throwing a ball with him. It was a struggle for Markus. Later, Mark shared that he felt like other men were judging him, as if he was failing because his son couldn’t throw or catch a ball. I remember thinking how brave he was to admit that. And in that brief, tender moment, I loved him even more. He was honest with himself.

And the inner work Mark has done has given Markus the freedom to be himself and not carry the weight of toxic masculinity.

Being honest with yourself is one of the bravest, most painful, and most healing things you can do. When you feel safe enough to do this, it makes room to really see and love the people who matter most.

It wasn’t easy for Mark to break out of the expectations the world places on men and boys. But he did—and he continues to. He’s still healing, still growing. That’s what it’s about. Not being the perfect parent (which, honestly, I think has been hard for him too, especially growing up as the “golden child” with all the pressure and quiet trauma that can bring).

And yes, trauma doesn’t always mean Big T trauma. Little t trauma isn’t life-threatening, but it still has a real impact on our emotional and mental health.

If you are searching for a therapist, life coach, or speaker for your next event, please visit my website at kimwatttherapy.com or email me at Kim@kimwatttherapy.com.