When You Loved a Narcissist

Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship

Healing from a narcissistic relationship, whether it was a parent, sibling, partner, friend, coworker or even the church—the healing journey is long and painful. But today, I'm not spending my energy focusing on them. Today, I want to hold space for you—the person trying to heal your heart.

It's so confusing. One moment, you're in the midst of the chaos that feels like a tornado or a dark cloud, and the next, you catch a glimpse of the kindness and love you know this person to be at their core. The charm, the manipulation, gaslighting, control,  hope, and the hurt keep you spinning in a cycle that's hard to break.

When you've loved a narcissist—or someone with narcissistic traits—or when you should have been loved and cared for by them, the betrayal cuts deep. Maybe you've come to understand that their behavior is rooted in their own trauma or generational pain—but that doesn't excuse the harm they've caused.

What makes it so heartbreaking is that they offer just enough warmth and affection to keep you hanging on. Then, out of nowhere, the coldness returns. The blame. The silence. The manipulation. Slowly, you start to doubt your instincts, question your memories, and take on their pain as if it's your responsibility.

You stay because you care. Because you're confused. Because of your trauma, which causes you to believe this is normal because it feels like home. Because your empathy has been weaponized against you. And before you know it, years have passed—years spent holding on to a fantasy of who they could be instead of seeing who they are.

Let me say this clearly: It's not your fault.

They are experts at creating illusions. They twist stories, cause division, isolate you, and leave you feeling profoundly alone. When the truth finally clicks into place, it's normal to feel angry at yourself—for believing the lies, for missing out on healthier relationships. That anger is valid.

But healing is possible. The fact that you're here reading this tells me that you've already begun. You are not broken. You are not alone. You are worthy of peace, clarity, and love that doesn't leave you second-guessing yourself.

Is it possible to stay in a relationship with a narcissist? That's up to you. It depends on where they fall on the spectrum, whether they're doing deep, consistent therapeutic work, and—most importantly—it depends on your nervous system and how you want to live your life.

Some people walk away completely—I've had to do that in my own life. And it's heartbreaking. Removing someone you love, especially a parent or family member, is one of the most complicated and hearbreaking decisions you can make. But not all families end happily ever after. There's a lot of intergenerational trauma that gets passed down, and it isn't very easy.

Others choose to stay in a relationship—with lots of boundaries, support, and therapy for themselves. There's no single right way. Only the way that protects your peace and helps you move forward.

If you're healing from a narcissistic relationship and looking for a therapist—or a speaker for your next event or workshop—I'd be honored to support you. You're not alone, and you don't have to walk this journey by yourself.

I specialize in trauma therapy, with an integrative approach that includes Somatic and EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Polyvagal-informed practices. My work is rooted in an inclusive, anti-racist, and decolonizing framework—because healing should honor your full humanity and lived experience.

If you're curious about whether we're a good fit, feel free to send me a message. I'd love to connect.